Memorial Day

My office is a mess and my mind is chaos! Honestly, my mind scrambles when my life is disorganized. It’s just one of the many quirks in my personality. I’m sure if I ever let a formal diagnosis be made I’d be an unusual case study. But I don’t need a shrink to tell me what is wrong with me. It’s really very simple. I’m the by-product of parents with neuroses. Now before anyone gets upset let me warn you this isn’t going to be a politically correct post. I don’t hold much store by that term and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to be myself when I’m writing in my blog. Especially when I’m writing about myself.

My parents were wonderful people. But they were people. And they each had issues. Those issues affected their lives, therefore they have affected mine. The coping mechanisms they developed were neuroses.  In today’s world my mother would be diagnosed with classic anxiety/depression and my father would have an obsessive compulsive disorder accompanied by an addictive personality. In the day my mother was considered the nervous type and my dad was a high stung, high functioning drunk. Either way they passed on some traits that are just oh so desirable! I am my father’s daughter in a variety of ways and am no doubt my mother’s in many others.

I don’t follow orders well. Control is a huge issue for me. Due to my parent’s 1950’s marriage model I have no tolerance for chauvinism in any form. No man has controlled my life since my father, at least not for long, and none ever will. I fall in love with causes. My husbands are perfect case in point. My mother’s daughter there, for sure! I thrive on the chaos of those around me, as long as it doesn’t involve me. Thanks Pops! Large crowds, small spaces, people who encroach on my personal space freak me out. Thanks again Mom! I have addiction issues, thanks again Dad. The list could go and on, but you get the point.

I’ve let go of the resentment that used to foreshadow my life. Of course most of that happened in the last years of their lives. Dying at 52 didn’t leave us a lot of time. Time to know each other as adults. But they were some good times and it left me with the understanding that parents do the best they can with what they have. So, if I can’t function with a cluttered desk or I find I’ve bitten my nails to the quick again I just look up and say “I sure miss you Mom and Dad!!”